Sat 21 Oct 2006
Ode to Tiki
Posted by Greg under UncategorizedTiki. What a strange time for that announcement, huh? Especially for us distracted Mets fans. Is he bullshitting? No. Tiki doesn’t bullshit. He’s dead serious, which makes this year that much more of a do-or-die proposition. The team owes it to Tiki to go absolutely balls-to-the wall this season – he’s the greatest offensive player in Giants history, and it would be sweet if we sent him away with a ring. So as disappointing as this announcement was, it can be a galvanizing force for a team that seems to need reasons to get it together.
Whatever happens, Tiki has been an absolute pleasure to watch these past nine-plus years. I don’t think there’s an athlete that I’ve enjoyed watching more: in a game that is too often determined by brute force and physicality, Tiki does it with finesse. Think about it: He’s not fast, he’s certainly not big, he’s not even that quick. He’s just… good. He just… always knows where to go. He is a master out there, and artist, and while I wish him the best in his sports/newscasting career, there is no way that he can do anything better or more beautifully than he plays football.
But far be it from us to criticize his decision. The guy is an adult who can do what he wants. His integrity or his effort cannot be questioned: for all these years, the guy’s been an absolute mensch. We can be disappointed because we won’t get to watch him anymore, but we can’t hold it against him.
Anyway, here a little poem about Tiki. It kind of reads like a corny bar-mitzvah toast, but it’s the best I’m gonna do.
**
Back at Virginia we had heard about you
The crafty little back who beat FSU
“The Barber of C’ville,” you were called by some
But who could have guessed what you have become?
A second round draft pick, because of your size
A mere “change of pace,” in the talent scouts’ eyes
But you sure did impress in your Giants debut,
Scoring two touchdowns and propelling Big Blue.
We had a player on our hands, we Giants fans knew,
And his name was “Tiki,” for Atiim Kiambu
*
But at five foot ten and two-hundred pounds,
They said you weren’t cut out to play all four downs
You were small, they said, and couldn’t take hits,
Your blocking was suspect when you picked up the blitz,
A big power back, they said, was what we needed to obtain,
Like Gary Brown, Joe Montgomery, the immortal Ron Dayne
But Fassel got wise and gave you a chance,
And you racked up the yards with your feet and your hands.
What a delight you were to us fans!
The thrills you brought to the ol’ Meadowlands.
*
Small and not even especially fast,
It was your incredible instincts that were unsurpassed
Your timing, your presence, your maneuvering feet,
Your game was finesse, your running-style sweet.
Dancing, not busting, through defenders’ embraces
Emerging improbably, off to the races.
Somehow evading outside contain,
Headed downfield for another big gain
Another deft cut through the narrowest lane,
Blowing a kiss as you cross the plane.
*
The greatest offensive player that’s ever worn blue,
Is hanging ‘em up, saying he’s through
And we Giants fans just sit here and stew,
Please, please, Tiki! Say it’s untrue!
Next stop is Canton, and whatever you do:
Thanks for the memories. We will always love you.
October 22nd, 2006 at 11:33 pm
unbelievably funny. i think it would work with music as well.
October 23rd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
I was hoping for a stanza that included how he perservered with Coughlin’s method of holding onto the ball. Great (and yes, corny) poem.
October 23rd, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Susan Jaret McKinstry would be proud. Hopefully Tiki doesn’t end up on Fox News.
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Funny poem (especially the references to Gary Brown and Joe Montgomery) about the man who used to wear ruby red cleats. As much as a Tiki fan as I am, his announcement at this stage of the season could only hurt the team with distractions. Why do it now? Is he putting all the networks on notice that he’ll be a TV free agent? Further, this let’s win the whole thing for Tiki thing is a bit overplayed. If these guys aren’t suiting up on Sundays to win the Super Bowl already, then they should find a new profession.
I’m not sure he was dominant enough to make the Hall of Fame. He’ll definately have his number retired by the team, which is a very huge honor if you think of his company.
October 23rd, 2006 at 10:19 pm
i like to imagine this being performed by Run DMC, the beastie boys, or any 80s rappers who traded off verses and only stressed the last word in the line:
“Back at Virginia we had heard about YOU
The crafty little back who beat fs-U…
but what a fucking statement tonight. it’s times like this when i actually enjoy living in Cowboy Country. add another HUGE division road win to our record. and we’re going to need all of them we can get, since it’s starting to look like winning the East may be our only shot at making the Offs.
and Espo, if this is any indication, i don’t think we have to worry about Tiki’s announcement hurting the team. in fact, i’m reminded of the way the great David Robinson’s retirement announcement spurred his team to a title in 2003.
September 10th, 2007 at 1:22 am
[...] Those who read this blog regularly know that I love Tiki and, so long as he doesn’t kill a member of my immediate family, always will. Check out my borderline homoerotic love poem to him, or my study of his 234-yard game against the Redskins last year, which rivaled O-Dawg from “Menace II Society” in terms of obsessive attention to slow-mo detail on a taped recording. [...]