Thu 18 Jan 2007
Normally I don’t care about what (or who) professional athletes do off the field. I subscribe to the theory that the less you know of these guys, the better – the only way not to be disappointed at what douches/assholes/morons many of these guys probably are is to judge them exclusively by their on-field personas. When it comes to their off-field selves, I support the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy.
But sometimes, a news item or an internet image will surface that forces me to see a side of these guys I would be better off not seeing, something that breaches the line between on-field and off-field and permanently compromises the way I feel about them.
No, I’m not talking about Strahan’s ugly divorce, about which I never gave a flying fuck (except that part about him taping his wife’s sister with a hidden camera in an alarm clock, which seemed like a really good idea.)
I’m also not talking about Gibril Wilson (pictured at right with the sunglasses at night, so I can so I can) being a notoriously cheap tipper at strip clubs. I mean, d-backs are some grimy dudes. Everyone knows that. Besides, if we expect them to be stingy when it comes to giving up yards to wide receivers, how can we expect them to be anything other than stingy when it comes to lap dances? (And as far as safeties go, I’d much rather root for a guy who goes to strip clubs, even if he stiffs on tips, than a… man like this.)
No, this stuff doesn’t concern me: I was more concerned about Strahan’s right foot than his prenup; I was much more angry about Gibril’s missing an easy interception in the Dallas game (which, I maintain, was a play that could have changed the season if he had just… caught the fucking ball!) than about his tight-fistedness around the g-string; and the fact that Will Demps missed about a dozen crucial tackles concerns me a lot more than that, in the immortal words of A.C. Slater, he’s “a lover, not a fighter.”
But these photos, courtesy of Sam Rubenstein at SLAM Magazine, are rather alarming. I think they speak for themselves.
Sam succinctly summed up the collective incredulity of G-Men nation when he wrote, “Karaoke on Christmas Eve?” Worse yet, Sam’s source reports that Eli “was doing karaoke to the soundtrack from ‘Grease’ and Bon Jovi’s ‘Living on a Prayer.’” Yeesh.
I mean, this photo was one thing – it just makes Eli look like a normal if somewhat doofy dude. But this latest batch is a matter of grave concern about a guy who, like it or not, is the franchise.
January 18th, 2007 at 8:47 am
I know you are trying to be funny, but why don’t you give the guy a break… I mean it’s one thing to whine about Eli’s on-field screw ups, which you do daily, but why look off-field for things to complain about? So what if he’s a dude. If you think that means he can’t lead, then what about Steve Young and his special Mormon undergarments? I’ll take a dude over a thug or a drunk. And face to face, I’d bet money that he’s more man than any of you armchair jockeys. Eli is 6′4 225#. Go ahead, fire half the team, but we haven’t had a better QB since Simms. All the more reason that we should have a little patience, show a little love for the game, and have a little loyalty the team.
January 18th, 2007 at 10:49 am
Hey Corn, how much man are you? What’cha bench tough guy? Kidding aside, I like Eli. Ernie is the dumbass, thought he’d top his career by catching the one the got away. There’s nothing wrong with having a laugh following this awful season. Living on a prayer can be excused. He probably though he’d score points with the locals. Grease is another matter entirely. And I’ll take a drunk over a dude anyday. I’m just not into that Brokeback thing, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
January 19th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Now if Eli were singing Journey would you approve?
January 19th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
“I’d bet money that he’s more man than any of you armchair jockeys”? What? Who goes onto a football blog and accuses people of being armchair jockeys? That’s kind of the point of this. Before I read Corn’s comment, I was going to agree with Greg that players have a responsibility to avoid those kind of photos, but out of respect for Corn and his crush on Eli, I will just say that Will Demps is big tool.
January 25th, 2007 at 8:44 am
you are discounting the fact that Eli may have been caught blinking