Fully equipped with the first press credential ever issued in NYGMen.com history, I will be making the trek out to Edison, NJ this coming Tuesday for a business seminar featuring special guests Mike Ditka and… one Brad Benson, a G-Man left tackle from 1977 through 1987 who made the Pro-Bowl in ’86.

The seminar, one of those “success on and off the field” type things sponsored by the New Jersey-based sales and marketing organization Move Ahead 1, will be held at the Edison’s Holiday Inn at 3050 Woodbridge Avenue, from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. this Tuesday.

If you’re reading this blog, you probably know what Mike Ditka’s been up to the past ten or so years since the Saints/Ricky Williams wedding dress experiment didn’t work out. Most recently, he’s fighting the good fight for minimally adequate benefits for ex-NFL players, although Dave Duerson, a former Bear who was also a member of the Giants 1990 Super Bowl team, has questioned Ditka’s genuineness on the issue.

Benson, an Altoona, PA native, has settled on a 40-acre farm in Hillsborough, NJ with his wife and kids while running Brad Benson Hyundai and Mitsubishi, the largest Hyundai dealer in the state.

Here’s a great article on Benson written earlier this year by Michael Eisen on Giants.com, recalling how the undersized Penn State graduate - who was drafted in the eight round by the Patriots and then cut before the G-Men signed him - scrapped together a successful NFL career, due in no small part to a constant barrage of Bill Parcells ball-busting.

Here’s a Benson quote from the piece:

“I didn’t have the most athletic ability in the world so I had to be at 120 percent all the time. I was probably, on the whole offensive line, the worst athlete of the bunch…. Everything I did and achieved was through motivation. And Bill knew that. And he knew that he had to do certain things to keep me on top of my game. So Parcells had an excellent way of pushing people’s buttons without having them fall apart.”

(Did Parcells retain his way of “pushing people’s buttons without having them fall apart” when he became a celebrity and fell in love with his reputation as a dick? I don’t know. I still love Parcells and I always will, but the guy changed, man. The guy changed.)

Benson was the only Pro- Bowler on an ’86 O-Line that also included Billy Ard at right guard, Bart Oates at Center, Chris Godfrey at left guard, and Karl Nelson at right tackle. (Bill Parcells dubbed them “The Suburbanites,” and I frankly don’t know why. Do any of you out there? If so, I’m curious. Otherwise, I’ll ask Benson.)

Because of the Giants historical reputation for having a strong defense, it’s easy to overlook how good our offense was throughout the mid-to-late 80s. In 1985, we finished sixth in the NFL with 399 points. In ’86, our 371 points placed us eighth. 1987, because of the strike, doesn’t really count, but in 1988 we scored 359 points to finish eighth again.

So the perception of the Giant teams during this era - excellent defense and league-average offense - just doesn’t hold true. Our defense was sick, but our offense was really good too.

(Trivia Question: What was the highest scoring season in Giants history?

Answer: 2005. We scored 422 points to finish third in the NFL.)

So it’s gonna be fun for me to meet Benson. If any of you out there can make it, it would be really cool meeting some of you and talking Giants football into the afternoon. Anybody have any suggestions of what to ask Benson?

Normally I don’t care about what (or who) professional athletes do off the field. I subscribe to the theory that the less you know of these guys, the better – the only way not to be disappointed at what douches/assholes/morons many of these guys probably are is to judge them exclusively by their on-field personas. When it comes to their off-field selves, I support the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy.

But sometimes, a news item or an internet image will surface that forces me to see a side of these guys I would be better off not seeing, something that breaches the line between on-field and off-field and permanently compromises the way I feel about them.

No, I’m not talking about Strahan’s ugly divorce, about which I never gave a flying fuck (except that part about him taping his wife’s sister with a hidden camera in an alarm clock, which seemed like a really good idea.)

I’m also not talking about Gibril Wilson (pictured at right with the sunglasses at night, so I can so I can) being a notoriously cheap tipper at strip clubs. I mean, d-backs are some grimy dudes. Everyone knows that. Besides, if we expect them to be stingy when it comes to giving up yards to wide receivers, how can we expect them to be anything other than stingy when it comes to lap dances? (And as far as safeties go, I’d much rather root for a guy who goes to strip clubs, even if he stiffs on tips, than a… man like this.)

No, this stuff doesn’t concern me: I was more concerned about Strahan’s right foot than his prenup; I was much more angry about Gibril’s missing an easy interception in the Dallas game (which, I maintain, was a play that could have changed the season if he had just… caught the fucking ball!) than about his tight-fistedness around the g-string; and the fact that Will Demps missed about a dozen crucial tackles concerns me a lot more than that, in the immortal words of A.C. Slater, he’s “a lover, not a fighter.”

But these photos, courtesy of Sam Rubenstein at SLAM Magazine, are rather alarming. I think they speak for themselves.

Sam succinctly summed up the collective incredulity of G-Men nation when he wrote, “Karaoke on Christmas Eve?” Worse yet, Sam’s source reports that Eli “was doing karaoke to the soundtrack from ‘Grease’ and Bon Jovi’s ‘Living on a Prayer.’” Yeesh.

I mean, this photo was one thing – it just makes Eli look like a normal if somewhat doofy dude. But this latest batch is a matter of grave concern about a guy who, like it or not, is the franchise.

Ok, some big doings in Giant-land since the last time I posted, so let’s talk about some of those.

I.

But first, to rehash, the retaining of Colonel Tom was absolutely senseless, indicative of an out of touch, paralyzed ownership that appears to have neither the desire nor balls to move forward from the unmitigated disaster that was the last nine games of this past year.

The explanations proffered - that retaining Coughlin was necessary to preserve a sense of stability, or that he was merely the victim of unfortunate injuries, or that he had the right idea going forward, or that the players actually wanted him back (this last one seems like the most ridiculous) - are fatuous. Sorry to say, but it appears that the Giants brass is unwilling to take a chance, any chance, that might reverse the rapidly deteriorating state of affairs of this once proud franchise.

Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of the developments of this young off-season is that most of Coughlin’s assistants are getting fired, most notably the offensive and defensive coordinators. If you think about it, this really makes no sense - not the decision to part ways with the coordinators, but the decision to part ways with the coordinators and retain Tom.

I mean, from a logical standpoint, how can we say that the coordinators are at fault, but the guy that both hired them and supervised them is not?

Michael Waxenberg, the proprietor of NJ.com’s excellent Big Blue Blog, puts it perfectly in one of his recent posts:

“The upheaval suggests that ownership considers Coughlin’s entire program a failure…. Coughlin hired all of the guys who are now facing the consequences of his failure. So why is Coughlin still here? Leadership? No. Game management? No. Ability to attract talent? Obviously not. Unless there’s a plan in place for 2008, very little of what’s going on at the Meadowlands makes any sense.”

Exactly. And even if there is a plan in place for 2008, it’s completely unconscionable to wait that long to enact it. We have some talent and it’s not getting any younger. Fuck, I want to win in 2007.

Furthermore, if the Giants expect to assemble a new staff, are we really in any position to do this? Waxenberg hits it on the head when he describes the Meadowlands as “a singularly unattractive destination for new hires.”

His reasoning? The team’s best offensive player is retiring. The team’s best defensive player has an alarming recent injury history and is 35 years old. The organization is ensconced in negative vibes as much as George Costanza was once ensconced in velvet. And lastly, Colonel Tom, in the words of Waxenberg, is “the lamest of lame ducks.” Why would any good coordinator prospect put himself in this situation? (Oh, and Tom’s also a dick. I mean, would youITAL want to work for him?)

II.

A couple of quick notes related to the coordinator situation. First of all, it seems that, for a brief little while, we were all supposed to get excited about Dom Capers as our next defensive coordinator… before he was retained by the Dolphins (who don’t even have a head coach, for Christ’s sake!), who gave him a record-setting deal for a coordinator. Alas, no Capers, and we’ll have to search elsewhere.

A couple of names mentioned for the job since then have been Miami’s linebackers coach George Edwards, former Falcons head coach Jim Mora, Jr. (until he replaces Ty Willingham at the University of Washington [speaking of Ty Willingham, that ref Mike Carey, who takes so much pride is explaining every call, like "However, the runner’s elbow was down, which by definition means that the play is blown dead. Therefore, it is a first down for Baltimore."]) and… are you ready… Pepper Johnson, who now serves as the Patriots defensive line coach.

Also, it appears that Kevin Gilbride is taking over as the new offensive coordinator, yet another recent uninspired move by the G-Men brass. I mean, first of all, it’s Kevin Gilbride - the guy’s a serial retread whose most famous moment was getting decked by fellow-coordinator Buddy Ryan on the sideline of a Houston Oilers game.

Second of all, how does Gilbride get a reprieve from the underachieving mediocrity that has become of the high-priced Giants offense? He was the quarterbacks coach, for Christ’s sake, and last I checked, it was the quarterback who was the sloppiest, most clueless player on the offense, the single biggest reason for the underachieving!

(What’s so disturbing about Eli is that his fragile psyche and inconsistent mechanics run so counter to everything we heard about him coming out of Ole Miss. Was his pre-draft reputation a mirage? Or has he been poorly coached? It has to be one of these things, but the Giants don’t seem to want to acknowledge either one as a possibility.)

III.

Finally, the biggest news: NYGMen wishes a hearty welcome to the Giants new GM, Jerry Reese. Reese, a native of Tiptonville, TN, has the biography of a classic football junkie. He was a star safety at the University of Tennessee-Martin, and stayed on as a graduate assistant and then as an assistant coach after his playing days were over.

In 1994, he joined the Giants scouting department, and for the past four years, he has supervised the draft for under Ernie Accorsi as Director of Player Personnel. His draft results have been mixed. For every Osi Umenyiora and Chris Snee, there has been a Tim Carter or a Will Allen/Will Petersen.

It’s tough to judge Reese’s draft record because you can’t separate Reese’s input from the final decisions made by his boss, Ernie Accorsi. Plus, the jury is still out on Accorsi’s draft and his signature draft strategy of trading later and future picks for the player he is sure he wants, whether that’s Jeremy Shockey, Will Allen, Sinorice Moss, and, of course, Eli Manning. Time will tell…

Around G-Men nation, you can sense the people’s reluctance to get excited about this move. To some, it must seem like just a safe continuation of the status quo in the same way that retaining Colonel Tom was. That’s certainly one way to look at it: We’re continuing with the same brain-trust of an organization that presided over the most frustrating season in recent Giants memory.
But, to make a corny New York Post back-page pun, All I am Saying is Give Reese a Chance. The guy is young (43), which is a change of pace for an organization that usually tends toward the old and stodgy, and has certainly earned his stripes.

So a Big Blue welcome to the new GM. Your charge is simple: bring us a Super Bowl. Make it happen, Jerry!

As Sunday approaches, we’re learning that Shockey will probably play, Trent Cole is talking shit about Eli (gotta love that Post headline), and Deadspin’s A.J. Daulerio has issued a formal declaration of war on G-Men nation. Ready or not, Big Blue will soon head down the Turnpike to take on a team who is playing better than anyone else in the conference. The result will be either a victory for the ages or a swift coup de grace.

But whatever the negativity that has enveloped this season, let’s hope it doesn’t overshadow the greatest offensive performance that I’ve ever seen from a Giant. What Tiki did last week was remarkable, especially under the circumstances. In what may very well be his last memorable act as a football player, the man single-handedly got us into the playoffs.

So, big play by big play, let’s take a closer look at a performance that will go down in Giants history, regardless of what happens on Sunday.

–First Quarter, 3:26: After the Redskins pulled ahead on Randle-El’s end-around bomb to Santana Moss (which, in a single play, totally encapsulated a season’s worth of play in the defensive backfield), we were faced a 3rd and 2 from our own 14. It was a decently big play at the time, especially considering our recent ineptitude in short-yardage situations, and that we had been 0 for our last 16 3rd down attempts.

We were fortunate to completely get away with a delay of game – another thing that seems to happen all the time… fucking frustrating, this Tom administration – when Tiki called a timeout and the refs didn’t realize that the play-clock had already expired, but we took advantage of the break when Tiki took the handoff and went right, gliding through a huge hole created by an wash-down job by Kareem McKenzie – who along with the rest of the offensive line, physically overwhelmed his man at the point of attack – and a resourceful kick-out block by Visanthe Shiancoe, who was lined up to the right of McKenzie.

Once he was through the hole, he made a smooth little cut to the outside to elude safety Vernon Fox, who was charging from his two-deep safety alignment to stop Tiki before he got into the open field. It was to no avail for Fox, as Tiki easily ran through his one-armed attempt at a tackle.

The next man to have a shot at the Teekster was cornerback Ade Jimoh (one of my favorite NFL names, by the way), but Tiki deftly spun out of his tackle attempt – a patented move, this one, where Tiki gives with the momentum of the tackler and leaves him empty-handed.

This 360 degree spin-move gave Tiki the opportunity to gather his momentum and cut to the inside to elude linebacker Lemar Marshall, who, because he was trying to run down the play from behind, had ever so slightly overrun the pirouetting Tiki.

This sweet slickness allowed Tiki to pick up another 12 or so yards before he was brought down, good for a 32-yard gain that took the G-Men all the way to the 46 yard-line. It was Tiki’s first spectacular run of the night, but there would be more to come.

–Second Quarter, 13:20: On 2nd and 10 from the ‘Skins 15, Tiki ran left off tackle through a nice little hole provided by another muscular kick-out block by Visanthe Shiancoe and a gorgeous ‘backer-busting-blast-block by Jim Finn, who was leading Tiki through the hole on the play.

Smelling the end-zone, Tiki accelerated into the secondary, running through a pathetic arm-tackle attempt by number cornerback Carlos Rogers, (who, in his defense, was contending with a Chris Snee block while trying to make the tackle) before dragging Sean Taylor across the plane. Touchdown Tiki; 10-7 Giants.

–Second Quarter, 5:55: Tiki was in a groove at this point – he had almost busted one on the last play, but Sean Taylor crashed in with a big flying shoulder to hold Tiki to an 11-yard gain instead of something much more. On the play, Taylor kind of knocked Tiki on his ass, and like the schmuck that he is, stood over Tiki and made a display about his huge hit, somehow forgetting that Tiki had just ripped off a slick eleven yard run on his team’s ass.

But the Teekster would get his revenge on the very next play, when he took a handoff on the Giants’ 45 and followed Jim Finn through a hole on the left side created by a nice kick-out block by the much-maligned Bob Whitfield and a strong seal by Dave Deihl.

Linebacker Rocky McIntosh stepped into the hole to greet Finn, but Finn blasted him out of it, allowing Tiki to slip into the second level, where his first move was to make a rather abrupt cut to the left to elude safety Reed Doughty, after which he followed a little seam created by a nice block by David Tyree.

But Sean Taylor, who had stopped Tiki in his tracks the play before and had dared to talk shit about it, was rapidly closing on Tiki. No matter, as the sneaky fast Teek-man ran past the spot that Taylor had chosen for the destination of his bee-line. Instead of the huge hit that he wanted, Taylor was left grasping the back of Tiki’s jersey, but Tiki, with those late-career strong legs, sturdily kept his feet as Taylor lost his grip and fell by the wayside. So much for your flying shoulder, dick, and Tiki was off to the races.

The only man left was cornerback, all the way from the backside corner spot, but Tiki had a hustling Plaxico – yes, you read that right – escorting him downfield. Plax nailed the block, and Tiki cruised the rest of the distance for the electrifying 55-yard score.

–Fourth Quarter, 6:25: This was the masterpiece, but first the context: Having already given up two touchdowns and allowed the ‘Skins to cut the lead from 27-7 to 27-21, the G-Men failed to convert a 3rd and 5, and seemed well on their way to choking away one more game in this most gut-wrenching of seasons.

But we caught a break when a defensive holding penalty gave us an automatic first down, and, from mid-field, after a five-yard run from Tiki, we fed our superstar again on a stretch play to the right side, a play designed to go behind pulling linemen Chris Snee and Sean O’Hara.

But there was something amiss about the timing of the play: Whether it was his fault or not, O’Hara took a little too long to get to his block, and Tiki was left kind of suspended on the wing, hoping that O’Hara got to his block before the other defenders closed in on him.

But Tiki did a masterful job riding O’Hara’s back, and in an ingenious display of timing, he waited for O’Hara to wash down his man before making a perfectly-timed, perfectly-angled cut to the outside, somehow emerging from the morass at the line to find himself accelerating into the secondary.

He turned on the jets at this point, running through a flailing arm tackle by Troy Vincent and streaking into the open field for the score. The 50-yard touchdown gave us our 34th point. We went on to win the game 34-28.

I.

This week flew by, didn’t it? Are y’all up for another game? Personally, I’m not exactly recovered from the sustained beat-down that has been the last seven weeks, and, I confess, I’m a little tentative about catching another ass-whooping tomorrow. Like a whipped dog, I find myself approaching tomorrow’s game in a defensive posture, cowering and petrified.

But just one more beating, Giants fans. One more. Or if not, we go to the playoffs. What a strange predicament.

II.

A quick note: For those of you in the New York area who don’t get the NFL Network, the game will also be shown on Channel 4. I presume it’ll be the NFL Network telecast, though, in case you were looking forward to some Bruce Beck sideline reporting.

III.

I know Bill Simmons catches a lot of shit around the blogosphere, but I personally think that guy’s funny as hell, and on-point about one-hundred times more often than not. Here’s the funniest call about Colonel Tom I’ve ever seen:

(Pertinent playoff note: There are approximately 345,672 different playoff scenarios involving the NFC this weekend. If the Giants win on Saturday night, all of them except one are rendered moot. But this is the same team that’s currently being coached by a guy who constantly looks like he’s being robbed at gunpoint. So I’m banking on one of those other 345,672 scenarios coming into play.)

“A guy who constantly look like he’s being robbed at gunpoint.” That speaks for itself, so there’s really nothing to add to it. But did you see his interview this week immediately after the Hufnagel demotion? There was this one reporter who kept trying to nudge his long black-mic into Tom’s vocal range, clearly struggling to get position lest his network come away with a shitty sound-feed.

Anyway, at a certain point, in mid-sentence, Tom breaks off what he’s saying, looks at the poor schmuck and goes, “If that thing sticks me in the throat one more time….” Then he sort of exhaled disgustedly and continued in his brusque, defensive tone.

Very funny, but also kind of scary. Clearly, the man is at his wit’s end, and pity the poor sucker who crosses him at the wrong time.

IV.

But it’s not only Tom that’s at his wit’s end – it’s his players as well. Check out this quote from the Daily News, brought to my attention by the excellent New Kid on the G-Men Blog Block, www.newyorkfootballgiants.blogspot.com.

‘”We are tiring of his act,” the [anonymous] Giant said. “He is pushing too hard. We’re still in full pads for part of practice, despite all the injuries we have and the fact that it’s the end of a long season. He is very ‘me’ oriented, always talks about doing things his way – his hard-ass, no-give approach – but we’re not winning or sustaining games, so the disconnect is widening and we are tuning him out.’”

Whoa. Where to start with this one? Well, the first question is, who is this anonymous G-Man? Zack, the proprietor of the blog, makes the point that “given the way it was articulated, this sounds like something from Tiki’s mouth.” I couldn’t agree more – the “disconnect” thing is a dead giveaway.

Second, it’s a little disconcerting to hear that the Giants are “tiring” of any sort of “act,” because, frankly, we’re all tiring of their 7-8 act. When you’re an underachieving 7-8 team coming off one of the more pitiful performances in team history, you’re not really in a position to be tiring of anyone else’s act.

That said, I can understand what the anonymous Giant is getting at when he says that Tom is “very ‘me’ oriented.” All of the “do it my way” stuff, when taken too far, becomes nothing more than an ego trip. If he’s not making a legitimate effort to improve the players but rather lording the “my way” shit over their heads, I can understand how grown men would tune it out.

And while it’s tempting to bemoan these pampered athletes who complain about getting “pushed too hard,” the anonymous Giant actually makes a very legitimate point. Every coach knows that there comes a point in the football season where pushing your guys – in terms of pads, contact, etc. – ceases to be about discipline and character building and instead becomes counterproductive. I can totally picture a situation where Coughlin is excessively pushing these guys at the expense of their bodies, all for the stubborn purpose of reinforcing “his way.”

I don’t know. It’s a shitty situation, and it’s hard to sort out who’s right and who’s wrong. But when the players and the coach are at loggerheads, that old maxim becomes relevant: you can’t fire the players.

V.

Now for some actual game news. As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Shockey is out with an ankle injury. Now, people are going to call Shockey’s desire into question after this one, but come on. That’s really not valid. For however big a jackass the guy can be, his effort is cannot be questioned. We’ve seen this guy play hurt his whole career (and that’s, like, one our enduring frustrations with him – he’s never completely healthy), so if he says he’s too hurt to play… please, fellas, believe him.

Also, Seubert will miss tomorrow’s game too, which means that Grey Ruegamer will man the left guard spot while Dave Diehl will slide over to left tackle. In my last post, I advocated for cutting Whitfield; I suppose benching him will have to do.

Ruegamer is solid, but what’s especially noteworthy about him is that his name is “Grey” and he’s the only Giant who unabashedly rocks gray hair. Ever see the big dude standing on the sideline with that striking shock of gray hair? Why that would be Grey Ruegamer! And who was that ineffectual ex-Governor of California with gray hair that got his ass recalled? Why that would be Cruz Bustamante! No, it would be Gray Davis.

VI.

According to this Daily News article, the Giants are interested in Scott Pioli, the Patriots’ Vice President of Player Personnel and renowned salary cap wiz. According to the article, written by Ralph Vacchiano, “One source said that, if available, Pioli is absolutely the Giants main target. Another simply described him as an interesting option that co-owners John Mara and Steve Tisch are considering exploring.”

Let’s hope it’s the former. After Mangini and to a lesser extent Weiss, I pretty much trust anyone from the Belichick family. Certainly moreso than one of the other leading candidates, Chris Mara, John Mara’s brother and Wellington’s son. Hiring Chris would smack of some pretty ridiculous nepotism – having suffered through years of watching the Knicks go down this path with Little Dolan, it would break my heart to see the G-Men do the same thing.

I.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, now comes the news that Strahan is out for the season. That’s just one more obstacle we will have to overcome on our way to the most improbable Super Bowl run ever….

But look at it this way: Now that we’re officially a bottomed-out, 7-8 disgrace, we have nothing to lose. Things can only get better from this point on.

If we beat the Redskins, the playoffs beckon. And as Michael Waxenberg writes in his excellent Big Blue Blog, “Once you’re in, you never know, and besides, the team will have to show some trace of a pulse to beat Washington.” Indeed, if we win that game, it’s certainly conceivable that we can go into Lincoln Financial Field and beat the Eagles, and after that… well, exactly as Waxenberg says, you never know.

If we lose, the coaching staff gets shown the door, we make some minor tweaks to our roster, and we go into next season with a new outlook and (I still believe) a lot of talent. Either way, Saturday will either be the merciful end to a tortuous stretch of football or a springboard to a potentially exciting playoff run. Neither alternative is that bad – it certainly beats the past few weeks, which felt like a disturbing dream.

II.

It was also announced that Petitgout is out for the year. No surprise there, although I had harbored the hope that we could have gotten him back had we advanced a couple rounds in the playoffs. (I don’t know which is the bigger pipe dream. Now that I think about it, that’s what made these injuries such bad news: They dealt another blow to the hopes of those of us who are still dreaming. And I’m still dreaming.)

Petitgout’s injury came right in the middle of the Bears game, when it seemed like we had more immediate things to concern ourselves with than a fallen soldier. But it turns out to have been devastating: Our offense has hit the skids since we lost him, and however half-way decent Whitfield’s play has been, his three personal fouls in the past four games have killed us on the field and become a symbol of our astonishingly undisciplined ways under Coughlin. The “Fire Coughlin” chant this past Sunday began after Whitfield’s first personal foul; after O’Hara’s, everyone joined the chorus.

The most infuriating thing is that he doesn’t seem to be remorseful at all. Check out this quote in Monday’s Star-Ledger:

“Their Pro-Bowl defensive end (Will Smith) took a cheap shot. I’ve been playing fifteen years and I’ve never had somebody take a groin shot at me. So I’m looking for ways to get him…

“That’s why it’s cheap. It’s cheap. We ain’t playing hopscotch. This ain’t jacks, Parcheesi, or gin rummy. We tape our hands up to go battle. We hit people. People break their hands in this game, break their necks in this game, so I ain’t going to go out there tiddly-winking or half-stepping. I’ll hit him again, I’ll hit him every time.”

And I’ll cut your ass, you old bum (although, I admit, I was almost won over by the speech). Or I would cut your ass if I were the coach. But apparently, Coughlin is a bigger push-over than I am, and Whitfield’s staying on. That’s the problem with Coughlin – there’s no action to back up the tough guy image. All that horseshit about being five minutes early to meetings means nothing if there are no real consequences beyond fines. Shit, if I were the coach, I’d give the guys a break and let them come to meetings when they actually start. And I would have cut Whitfield right after the game.

Anyway, back to Petitgout. Not to be a dick and say I told you so, but let me refer you to what I wrote after he went down in the Bears game:

“But you know what’s even worse than the loss? The fact that Luke Petitgout, in all probability, is out for the year. I hope that after watching this game we all realize this, but Petitgout (even though none of us really like him, and even though he’s never been a beloved G-Man, and even though my friend Dean coined the phrase “pull a Petitgout” (false start), the guy happens to be one of the truly indispensable members of our team…. He’s the left tackle, and even though he’s not one of the best left tackles in the league, he’s still one of the better ones.”

III.

The other big piece of news from the day was Kevin Gilbride’s taking over play-calling duties for John Hufnagel. Good. I mean, it can’t hurt, right? I wouldn’t expect any miracles out of this – I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna completely change our offensive philosophy or anything – but we certainly weren’t doing anything with Hufnagel at the helm. If anything, this move gives us some hope to hang on.

Who knows? I mean, the Payton to Fassel switch worked pretty well in 2000 – some times any change is good change. (By the way, how weird is it for us Giants fans that Sean Payton is being hailed as the greatest play-caller this side of Bill Walsh? This guy was the Hufnagel of the 2000 season, for Christ’s sake! And those reverses in short-yardage situations are stupid, by the way – just because they’ve worked both times doesn’t mean they make any sense.)

So it’s Gilbride and not Hufnagel. It’s hard to get too excited about a guy that was once clocked by Buddy Ryan, but maybe because he’s quarterbacks coach, he’ll have a better sense of what does and doesn’t work for Eli. That would help, because Eli’s really, really holding back the offense.

IV.

Lastly, the rare NYGMen photo, snapped on a cell phone by commentator and consultant Wong, who also attended last Sunday’s game.  Of all the tributes to Tiki, this one takes the cake.  Yes, that would be number 21 shaved out of back hair.  (The Santa hat is a nice touch.)  Tremendous job.  Whoever you are, NYGMen salutes you! 

 

Seeing as it’s Christmas and everything, let’s try not to dwell on the bad dream that was yesterday at the Meadowlands. Instead, let’s take the time to fondly remember the greatest running back in Giants history. Here’s a corny bar-mitzvah toast-sounding poem I scribbled in October when Tiki originally made the retirement announcement.

Anyway, NYGMen wishes you and yours a Merry Christmas, Chappy Chanukah, and a Kwality Kwanza.

** 

“Ode to Tiki”

 

Back at Virginia we had heard about you

The crafty little back who beat FSU

“The Barber of C’ville,� you were called by some

But who could have guessed what you have become?

A second round draft pick, because of your size

A mere “change of pace,� in the talent scouts’ eyes

But you sure did impress in your Giants debut,

Scoring two touchdowns and propelling Big Blue.

We had a player on our hands, we Giants fans knew,

And his name was “Tiki,� for Atiim Kiambu

*

But at five foot ten and two-hundred pounds,

They said you weren’t cut out to play all four downs

You were small, they said, and couldn’t take hits,

Your blocking was suspect when you picked up the blitz,

A big power back, they said, was what we needed to obtain,

Like Gary Brown, Joe Montgomery, the immortal Ron Dayne

But Fassel got wise and gave you a chance,

And you racked up the yards with your feet and your hands.

What a delight you were to us fans!

The thrills you brought to the ol’ Meadowlands.

* 

Small and not even especially fast,

It was your incredible instincts that were unsurpassed

Your timing, your presence, your maneuvering feet,

Your game was finesse, your running-style sweet.

Dancing, not busting, through defenders’ embraces

Emerging improbably, off to the races.

Somehow evading outside contain,

Headed downfield for another big gain

Another deft cut through the narrowest lane,

Blowing a kiss as you cross the plane.

* 

The greatest offensive player that’s ever worn blue,

Is hanging ‘em up, saying he’s through

And we Giants fans just sit here and stew,

Please, please, Tiki! Say it’s untrue!

Next stop is Canton, and whatever you do:

Thanks for the memories. We will always love you.

–Chris Snee and Shaun O’Hara were back practicing yesterday, and even though they’re still listed as questionable, we can be reasonably sure that they’ll play in Sunday’s game. Rich Seubert is out though.

I think it was either Bob Papa or Carl Banks who made the point that losing O’Hara before playing Jim Johnson’s aggressive, schemey, blitzing defense came at the worst possible time. Good call. I mean, we don’t know if Seubert missed any assignment or blew any calls, but it’s an interesting thought.

Brandon Jacobs was back in practice as well, and even though he’s listed as questionable, he should be available also.

And of, course, Strahan should be back too, though Antonio Pierce says he doesn’t having him out there will make that much of a difference: “I don’t think he’s going to be able to play a full game. We just want Mike to be out there to help us out, whether it’s third down, 20 plays, that would be good. Kind of like we did with Osi.”

Also, Corey Webster should also be able to go, but he too is listed as questionable. It’s hard to get too excited about that, but who knows? Maybe he’ll give us our best shot at slowing down the 6-4 Marques Colston.

–Also on the injury front, it appears that Derrick Ward was rushed back from his foot injury and has re-aggravated it, rendering him out for the year. At this point, it’s hard to fathom why we wouldn’t just stick Sinorice Moss back there and tell him to run as fast as he can. I mean, what’s the worst thing that can happen? We’re 7-7, and the bottom has already fallen out of the season. If he fumbles and costs us the game, at least we went down trying to do something. And if he aggravates his thigh injury, he’ll have the whole off-season to recover. I mean, Jesus, Tom. Why not?

Aside from kick returns, why haven’t we been making more of an effort to incorporate Sinorice into the offense? By now, it’s been proven beyond reasonable doubt that Tim Carter is a cipher in the starting flanker role (he’s basically out of chances, don’t you think?), so why not stick in the second round draft pick with blazing speed and playmaking ability, who can make things happen across the middle? We might have a playmaker in Sinorice, and we’re sitting on him. It doesn’t make sense.

I.

By now, it’s no secret that Will Demps has been a major disappointment. During Sunday’s telecast, Troy Aikman cemented it in the minds of even casual Giants fans when, after Demps missed easy pick, he said, ”Will Demps has had a real rough year.” Indeed, Demps has made some pretty costly mistakes in recent weeks:

–His missed tackle on Thomas Jones’ “3rd and forever” run, which allowed the Bears to get back into the game. As Al Michaels kept saying, this play was the turning point in a game that was a turning point in the Giants’ season.

–The missed tackle on Vince Young on the Kiwanuka play. Everyone blames Kiwanuka for this, but if Demps makes that stick or even slows Young down, the Giants get the ball back in field goal range, win that game, and are 8-5 in first place of the NFC East right now.

–Being late in safety help on the tying touchdown in the Titans game. Frank Walker was the guy who got beat, but he was isolated in single coverage with Brandon Jones with an entire side of the field to defend. Demps was responsible for giving Walker some safety help, but he was nowhere to be found.

–I don’t know if this was his fault or not, but Demps was definitely involved in the Whitten play. It looked like a miscommunication in the secondary where Demps had to jump a shorter route, but the fact is, as a free safety, nobody should get behind Demps. On that play, both Whitten (working on Pierce) and T.O. (working on Dockery) got behind him.

So yeah, one of our major free agent acquisitions has turned out to be a dud, which brings us to the question of why.

NYGMen commentator Cody speculated that it’s his knee – Demps is coming off a partially torn ACL after all. There’s definitely some truth to that. Check out Mike Garafolo’s blog entry from last week:

Will Demps stepped up and took the blame for his performance in Sunday’s loss to the Cowboys. But at the same time, he talked about his surgically repaired knee and said it’s not 100 percent.

He also sounded disappointed Tom Coughlin wasn’t aware the partially torn ACL he suffered last year isn’t completely healed yet.

“You’re never going to be exactly like you used to the first year (after the injury). I understood that,” Demps said. “I just felt maybe (the coaches) understood that a little bit, too.

“But I’m a professional. I’m going to take it on the chin and move forward knowing I’m not going to make every perfect tackle, but I’m going to make the tackles I need to. I know I’m going to be frustrated about certain things I missed. And I understand I’ll be accountable for them.

“But I’m not the only one.”

Hmmmm… Well, this obviously invites the question: Was Demps so forthcoming about his knee this past offseason, when we gave the guy a fat contract? Quite frankly, it’s hard for me to have much sympathy for the guy, considering that he’s the damaged goods the Giants were hoodwinked into giving a contract. Thanks for “taking it on the chin,” Will. You’re a real mensch. And if you really think you’re “making the tackles you need to,” why don’t you try “making every perfect tackle?” Please.

II.

Allen Barra’s raging pessimism about all-things Giant – especially Eli – continues. Nontheless, his points are always worth considering, and his recent New York Sun (which, for those of you who don’t know, has a ridiculously on-point sports section) article is no exception. Here’s a sample of his latest installment of anti-Eliism:

For the game, Manning was 17 of 33 for 172 yards and three touchdowns. Seventy-three of those 172 yards came on those two completions to Burress. Subtract them from the total, and Manning was 15 of 31 for 99 yards, which is absolutely atrocious, particularly considering that he was working the entire afternoon against two rookie cornerbacks. (One of whom, Byrum, was undrafted and signed by Carolina in November off Tampa Bay’s practice squad.)

Let’s put it in even more vivid perspective: Subtract a 25-yard completion to Jeremy Shockey, and Manning completed 14 of 30 passes for just 74 yards. That’s slightly less than two yards a throw, or considerably less than half of what Tiki Barber averaged per run (20 carries for 112 yards).

Definitely some points that needed to be made. After a great game against Dallas, Eli regressed last week and is, as always, someone to keep a concerned eye on. It would be a shame if the Dallas game was a one-game aberration and the shittiness that has characterized his recent play continued into the last four regular season games and beyond. (The rest of Barra’s article, basically about how lucky the Giants got on Sunday, is a worthwhile read also.)

But he wasn’t nearly as bad as Barra’s making him out to be: I mean, you can’t take away the guy’s three biggest completions and front like you’re purporting a legitimate stat! And also, aside from the numbers, Eli was poised in the pocket and under control – he looked just better, which counts for an awful lot for a guy who’s so hot and cold.

Obviously, Barra would scoff at such a subjective argument, but we Giant fans know the helpless feeling when we see Eli looking like a lost little boy. Whatever his stats were on Sunday, at least he didn’t look like that.

III.

Here’s a really good piece by Michael David Smith about the Giants’ use of Jacobs, which borders on self-defeatingly predictable. Credit the coaching staff, however, for mixing it up a little (finally) on the touchdown passes to Tyree and Shockey. Hopefully they’ve learned their lesson.

Let me take this opportunity to comment on what a good receiver Jacobs is – that guy is so dangerous on screens! Screen passes utilize Jacobs’ 1) outstanding vision; 2) gliding stride and good speed; and 3) his awesome head-of-steam power.

And also, how about Tiki’s pass-blocking on Sunday! I was impressed most of all by his recognition skills – he knew exactly where the leakage was and didn’t hesitate to throw his body in there (props also to the Fox crew for noticing this and for getting some great shots of it). Considering Tiki’s size and the fact that he’s kinda physically underwhelming, he’s about as good a pass-blocking running back as there is.

IV.

Did you see this story? Everson Walls, the former Giant cornerback made famous for his appearance on the cover of Sports Illustrated after Super Bowl XXV (and made famous to non-G-Men fans as the guy beaten by Dwight Clark for “The Catch”), has agreed to donate a kidney to defensive backfield-mate and good friend Ron Springs, the father of Shawn Springs.

I.

Ok, it has been a pretty ridiculous week, but by now, all the bullshit has run its course and we’re left in the same predicament we would have been even if we hadn’t choked away last week’s game: Beat the Cowboys and be in first place, lose to the Cowboys and be in second place.

Now, it has been said from many quarters that the Giants are done if they don’t win this week. That losing four in a row, especially with all the backbiting and bullshit, will devastate a team with such a fragile psyche as the Giants.

I disagree. The fact is, we stand a good chance of making the playoffs even if we lose, if for other reason that that everyone who we’re competing against the NFC really, really sucks.

Now, it’s always tempting to say, “If we don’t win this week, fuck it! There’s no way we’re a playoff team!” But even if we lose this week and then win only two of the next four – in other words, go 2-3 from this point on to finish at 8-8 – there’s still a good enough chance of us being in the top three teams of the following group of seven: Saints, Panthers, Vikings, 49ers, Falcons, Rams, Eagles.

And going 2-3 down the stretch is, like, kind of a worst-case scenario. So as bad as it has been, there’s still a good chance that we’ll be watching this team in a playoff game even if things don’t get appreciably better over these next few weeks.

II.

Plus, we’re still very banged up. Let’s not forget that, and let’s not forget that this swoon is partially attributable to injuries. Nuke’s been good, and Joseph’s been competent, but your defense takes a huge hit when you’re missing two Pro-Bowl defensive ends.

Whitfield’s been better than expected, but he has needed more help in pass-blocking than Petitgout would have, which deprives Eli of a receiver. Plus, he’s not nearly the run-blocker that Luke is.

Madison’s not that good and R.W. has been fine in his place, but Kevin Dockery, who filled in for the starting R.W. in the dime package last week, was horrendous. It’s hard to say that Corey Webster is better than anyone right now, but when you consider Frank Walker… (to be fair, aside from the personal foul penalty, Walker wasn’t all that bad last week.)

We have a bunch of seemingly interchangeable parts at strongside and weakside linebacker (neither Short, Emmons, Torbor, Wilkerson, and Blackburn is that much better than the other guy), but when that group is thinned out, they are especially vulnerable to fatigue in the long, sustained drives that the Titans and Jaguars have put together on us the past couple of weeks. Didn’t our defense look tired? (A thinned-out linebacking corps also means that you have to sign an out-of-shape Chris Claiborne and watch him pick up personal foul calls. Chris Claiborne’s is officially the 2006 Giants’ most depressing player, supplanting 2005 winner Jay Foreman [who, judging by the fact that his place of birth is Eden Prarie, MN, is probably the former Vikings great Chuck Foreman’s son].)

But anyway, we’ve had injuries, and we still do. Yes, we’re getting Osi and Short back tomorrow, but we’re really not out of the woods yet:

–Pierce is probable with a knee injury.

–Emmons (groin) and Gibril (shouler) are questionable (god damn, Emmons! The guy can’t stay on the field!), but both practiced later in the week and should play.

–Madison (hamstring) is questionable, but practiced and should also play.

–Webster is questionable (turf toe). There’s a good chance he won’t play.

Any one of these guys can re-aggravate their injuries, and any one of these guys could be yet another loss that we cannot afford.

The Cowboys, in contrast, have zero players on their injury report. And they’re a good team playing it’s best football of the year.

So if we don’t win tomorrow, I’m not prepared to write the season off. I mean, it obviously depends on how we play. Like, if the offense continues to shit the bed and Romo slices us up, than yes, I will be very, very down on this team and will believe that even if we get our guys back and make the playoffs, we’re really not a serious contender.

But if the offense comes alive a little and we hang with the Cowboys but just don’t get a few bounces? It’s still only one game, and anything can happen, which means that if we get to the playoffs, get a little healthier, and see these guys again… I like our chances just fine.

III.

Ok, it was a pretty embarrassing week in Giants-land. You’ve all read about it and seen Sean Salisbury and Mark Schlereth talking about it, so there’s really no need to rehash everything that went on.

I don’t mean to discount that there are real issues with this team, because there obviously are, but the media feeding frenzy this week was way out of proportion. Consider the Strahan-Plax thing:

It started when Strahan was talking to Joe Benigno on FAN. Now, when players go on the FAN, there’s a real emphasis on appearing forthright and genuine. Like, guys can’t bullshit and sugar-coat their way through the interview like the usually do. So when the subject of Plax came up, I’m sure Strahan felt the need to be kind of honest about it. I mean, everyone saw what happened: It was a disgrace, and Strahan, in his honesty, didn’t say otherwise.

He did, however, make the point that Plax was a “great guy” and a “great player,” and all that, and was basically as nice about it as he could have been while still being honest about the fact that Plax had that lapse and has those lapses.

But the media seized upon it and really made it into something that it wasn’t: Strahan calling Plax out. It really wasn’t like that. I mean, Strahan might have said what he said, but his intention really wasn’t to be a dick and knock Plax over the airwaves. When Peyton Manning said, “We had some problems in protection,” he was intentionally burying his linemen. But Strahan was just kind of acknowledging what all of us knew, and trying to put as happy a face on it as possible.

But yes, the media was all over Strahan about it, and this led to the famous bagel-eating “Say it to my face” episode. Here, Strahan acted like a real dick, as he is wont to do with the media. I still like the guy, and this doesn’t really approach Bobby Bonilla-levels in terms of assholery, but he was clearly in the wrong and acted like a complete schmuck. What he was saying – something about how the G-Men “are men” – didn’t really make sense. The whole thing was pretty weird.

But his intention on that one was clear: He was trying to divert attention away from his comments about Plax and blame the media – sort of, like, an “us against them” thing. Again, it was pretty dickish and stupid and completely backfired, but he wouldn’t have even been in the position of defending his comments if the media hadn’t blown them out of proportion in the first place.

IV.

You know what? Fuck it. Too much has been said about all this bullshit already. We just have to come out and play better. If we do, we’ll have a new lease on the season.

Expect the Giants to come out in their red jerseys. It’s gonna be in the low forties tomorrow and dark before halftime. It’s either gonna be really awesome or really depressing.